The Pursuit of Happiness

For a long time I searched for happiness, peace and joy. I searched in so many places, searched high, searched low, 

and just about every place in between. Happiness, what are you exactly and why did you insist on running away from me? 
 
What I've learned in my quest for that state of joy that is constant, is that the more you search, the more it eludes you. 

Now I'm not talking about the happiness that comes from a new hairstyle, a new pair of shoes, or a new man in your 

life. I'm talking about that stupid grin on your face for absolutely no reason at all. 

This is sometimes equated with madness. I've seen people who just smile to themselves for no apparent 

reason at all and wonder what kind of high they were on. I've seen people so still and calm, and just radiate a sense 

of contentment, and wonder what's their secret. 
 
So I've been on that journey to have that peace in my life and I haven't fully reached my destination, because I know 

its a journey that really has no final destination. 

On this journey though I've learned some very vital lessons:
 
1. I've learned that I can't wait to be happy. I can't wait until I have the perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect house, 

the perfect man, the perfect life. Because guess what I'd be waiting forever, as human beings we always want more. 

And nothing is wrong with striving for more than what we have or where we currently are, but so many times we put 

off living until this or until that and miss out on the joy of the now. 
 
2. I've learned to live in the NOW. I've learned how to make the most of my current situation, whatever it is. My life has 

taught me that where I am is right where I need to be.
 
3. I've learned that everything happens for a reason, and that sometimes things don't work out the way you want them 

to because they just weren't meant to happen that way. 
 
4. I've learned that when one door is closed, a bigger and better door will be opened. Trust me. Sometimes we have 

things in our life that take up extra space that we hold on to for dear life. We don't realize that we need to let go of these 

to make room for what really should be there to be able to come in. I've spent so much time fussing over what didn't 

work out in my life, without realizing that there's a reason why they didn't. And that if I'm patient enough, the pieces all fit 

together perfectly.
 
5. I've learned that anytime I have to swim hard against the current, that's probably not the direction in which I need to be 

going in the first place. And not that life doesn't have challenges or circumstances that make us stronger, but I'm talking 

about that thing which you keep hitting your head against the wall constantly to make it work out.  

It probably isn't part of your divine plan. And sometimes when you just let go and let the current take you where 

you were destined to go, the ride is smooth, easy and effortless.
 
6. I've learned to celebrate the beauty of the past, even if I can never relive those moments again.

I hear "Frankie" and I recall being 6 and singing at the top of my voice on the mike on my uncle's 

DJ set and how I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood even if I could.

I lay under my covers and I recall how I would cuddle next to my Granny and play with her arm, 

rubbing my hand against every wrinkle and crease on it and how lucky I am to have those 

memories of her. 

I hear a classic Super Cat dancehall tune and I remember when I'd go to Coconuts and dance 

whole night with my friends and how it was to be a carefree teenager growing up in Trinidad 

and how I couldn't ask for a better group of friends to grow up with. 

I look at a newborn baby and remember what it felt like the first moment I laid eyes on my son 

and how I knew what it was like to fall in love at first sight. 

I look at a mother and daughter together and recall how much I enjoyed the special moments 

I spent with my mom and how grateful I am to be an only child with a single mom because it 

created such a close bond between us that any other situation probably wouldn't have. 
 

7. I've learned to pursue that which makes me happy. So much of our time is spent pursuing 

things that enrich others, not only financially but that also afford others the leisure time we wish 

we had for ourselves. And we end up neglecting ourselves and what brings us joy. Our jobs leave 

us so tired and worn out that we have no time left to partake in the things that peak our interest 

and we don't get a chance to have our "what if" moment. You name it I've probably tried it 

because you never know until you try. As hard as it may be to make the time to do so, a big part 

of my joy has been indulging in a myriad of hobbies that allow me to express myself creatively. 

I'm worn out yes and sometimes downright broke, but guess what, I'm happy. 
 

8. I've learned to speak my mind, plain talk bad manners is what I call it. I'd rather get it off my 

chest and we deal with it than allowing stuff to fester and grow from a molehill into a mountain. 

As hard as it is to be confrontational, its way better to have open lines of communication than 

holding stuff inside that can cause unnecessary strain in a relationship. 
 

9. I've learned how to see the positive in EVERYTHING and everyone. My son says "Mom, 

you're such an optimist" while he holds the self-acclaimed title of realist. I wasn't always this 

way but I've learned the power of the spoken word and how you can actually talk yourself into 

the situation that you want to be in. So now I don't talk about what I don't want in my life. 

I talk about what I do want as if it already exists because in reality it already does, you just 

have to believe that it does. And it will come at the right time.
 
10. And finally I've learned that the pursuit of happiness is a personal journey. No one can teach 

you how to find joy. Its easy to tell someone they have nothing to be unhappy about, and expect 

them to just snap their fingers and achieve instant gratification. But there really is no magic 

formula or secret recipe to achieving a state of nirvana. That's something you kinda have 

to figure out on your own. As tough as it may be to go through the experiences that eventually 

lead you to that revelation, the pain is small in comparison to the joy that is the reward. 

Shades of a Rainbow - For Colored Girls

 

Its so hard to believe that in the year 2011 we as people of color continue to hold ideas about each 

other that divide instead of celebrate each other and our diversity. More so as sisters of color we 

should be building up each other's self esteem instead of tearing it down. I read a kids' book entitled Shades of People and the author brought home a serious point, there really isn't 

black or white, but shades in between. It also reminded of a book I read a couple years ago 

called The Color Complex, which discussed the issue of color AMONG people of color. 

There were several persons of mixed heritage in that book who expressed feeling torn by 

having to choose sides, particularly it was difficult when they had one "white" and one "black" 

parent. By adopting too many mannerisms of either side, they were labeled as either not black 

enough or may have been shunned by their white counterparts. In reading this book, though I am 

not a product of two distinctive races I discovered that I didn't want label myself as a "black" 

person, because that's simply one color in a spectrum of the color rainbow of diversity. It is then 

that I realized that when I met someone and they said what are you I automatically said 

black/ African and that was it, nothing further. And don't get me wrong its not that I am denying my 

heritage or ashamed of it, but to acknowledge one part of it is to deny the essence of who and all 

that I am. So now when someone asks me that question, I remember to include my maternal great 

grandmother from Venezuela, my paternal from India and the bit of Amerindian thrown in there, 

because their blood is in my blood and their heritage is also a part of mine just as much as my African roots.

On the topic of black skin and white skin: When I really look at it I've really never seen a black or white 

person. As the Shades of People book put it there's really no black or white when it comes to people 

just a whole lot of shades in between. So we can go from ivory to peach to caramel to toffee to sweet 

dark chocolate in the human race rainbow. More so as people of color we need to celebrate and embrace 

our diversity and beauty NOT put each other down. I've come to accept that I'm lightskinned or a reds as 

trinis put it. That's who I am, that's how God made me. Do I think I am beautiful because of my complexion? Now here's the tricky part of this question  because I don't want to come off the wrong way. I believe we are made as we were because that's how God 

intended us to be and in so doing we should embrace our beautiful selves as He saw fit. 

So back to the question, my complexion is a part of who I am so yes I believe I'm beautiful and 

I believe that is a part of my beauty, just as my eyes or my lips or my chin or my bellybutton. 

Its simply another aspect of me. I see so many beautiful women whose beauty is enhanced by their skin tone. 

The smooth chocolate darkie or the sunkissed golden brown chick wouldn't be the same had they been any 

other skin tone. Their skin tone is a part of their beauty, a part of who they are, made as God intended it to be. 

Now the question is whether one skin tone is more beautiful than the other, clearly no is the answer. But to say 

that should a light skin person be any darker they wouldn't be as good looking is really ludacris to say because 

the person wasn't intended to be any other way than he or she is made. Should it be said of a dark skin person, 

he or she would be more beautiful had they not been as dark. The same would apply because his or her rich 

darkness is part of what makes him or her beautiful. So I don't really understand the idea of putting down someone's 

complexion, a part of them that is impossible to change and why should it be changed if that's the way God wanted 

them to be in the first place.

Another point, when reading The Color Complex, and as we all probably know the remnants of a historical past of 

slavery still leaves its mark on us today, as people of color we still carry baggage about the variation of shades that 

exists in our world.

Its time to really let go of these and celebrate our light, dark, and everything in between selves, 

because we represent the beauty of the rainbow and its diversity.