Our Deepest Fear

For the longest while I was hiding. I was very shy growing up, yes surprising but true to those who know me today. I still am actually very shy, it’s who I am and it probably is who I always will be. I don't know if she remembers telling me this in Form 1 but Keisha Kong, I do remember. You mentioned a quote that said "The bold will rule the world", or at least that's how I recall it lol after 20 + years and a couple of "buds" in between. That quote has stuck in my head ever since, and it’s a constant reminder that sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and boldly face the world, grabbing up all that life has to offer.

One of the most important lessons that I have learned from my family is how to remain grounded and humble. I remember my mom always saying that the same way she treats the Chairman of the company is the same way she treats the janitor. For most of my teenage and adult life I swallowed this message but I didn't fully digest it. I shied away from attention and praise because I feared becoming vain and conceited. I focused on staying, hiding actually in the background because I wanted to be humble. I made strides but I never applauded myself because I didn't want to be considered to be full of myself. I didn't let my light shine in its entirety because I didn't want to show anyone else up. Then my aunt Cherry said to me one day last year "Anika, God made you pretty so you would get noticed so you can make a difference". I had always downplayed being beautiful on the outside because I always thought it was far more important to be beautiful on the inside. And I still feel that way but its a joy when you do meet someone who has beauty, brains, and is a blessing to be around. And I have met so many persons who fall into that category so I know now that a person's outer appearance doesn't define who they are on the inside. And on a side note my definition of beauty doesn't only encompass the conventional world view of who is or isn't beautiful. My definition by far surpasses the limitation of convention. Beauty comes in such a wide range of packages that it’s virtually impossible to put set labels on it.

I've met people who have said to me that they thought I was stuck up, that I was probably full of myself and that I look mean, all based on how I look. I even had a guy I was going out with say "You know you are smarter than you look, I thought you didn't have much up there". It really hit me when a used to be close friend said that she thought I didn't want to be her friend because she doesn't party. It struck me that she really didn't know who I am and that she had placed me into a category based on how I looked on the outside.

I've come a long way in learning to embrace my beauty, INNER and OUTER, and not being afraid to let my light shine. I've learned that the people whose opinions do matter are those who take the time to actually look below the surface to the beautiful person within. And I've also learned to graciously accept compliments based on how I look, because absolutely nothing is wrong with being a beautiful person, on the inside and out.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles